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Monday, February 27, 2006
giving it up
Had the second match for the Women's NBL yesterday... Same ol' same ol'... felt nothing, didn't even care if my team lost or won. I feel so detached and it might be my own fault for distancing myself and not trying hard enough to fit in. But take a look - when all you see are people in their own cliques laughing and teasing, having a great time and when you try to join them, all you get are some weird stares and awkward gazes, after which they dismiss you and carry on talking. You hear about parties and outings that you aren't invited to. How does one fit in then? Apparently, one can't. How depressing is that? Extremely.
I am faced with another challenge once again - where do I fit in in this team? Why am I even there when I can't get along with the people there, when I don't even get to play? Am I just there to fill in the spaces, to make up for the other vacancies to fill up the entire 12 spots? I don't wanna play this way... I don't wanna be in a team where I can't fit in - what's the point? I'm not just good enough, be it basketball, or socialising, or just being human.
Everything's just going downhill from now... I feel as if it's as such. I can't stop these tears from constantly welling up in my eyes, and I can't bring myself to let them fall either. I'm caught in the middle - what should I do? Should I take the easy way out, as I usually do, and not think about the consequences? I don't know - and I hope not either. Life is about the challenges, how one overcomes them to become a stronger person. But right here right now, I feel like I am pelted by all these falling stones and I'm beginning to falter. I'm teethering on the edge, waiting for either someone to come and pull me out of the abyss, or someone to push me off.
I am faced with another challenge once again - where do I fit in in this team? Why am I even there when I can't get along with the people there, when I don't even get to play? Am I just there to fill in the spaces, to make up for the other vacancies to fill up the entire 12 spots? I don't wanna play this way... I don't wanna be in a team where I can't fit in - what's the point? I'm not just good enough, be it basketball, or socialising, or just being human.
Everything's just going downhill from now... I feel as if it's as such. I can't stop these tears from constantly welling up in my eyes, and I can't bring myself to let them fall either. I'm caught in the middle - what should I do? Should I take the easy way out, as I usually do, and not think about the consequences? I don't know - and I hope not either. Life is about the challenges, how one overcomes them to become a stronger person. But right here right now, I feel like I am pelted by all these falling stones and I'm beginning to falter. I'm teethering on the edge, waiting for either someone to come and pull me out of the abyss, or someone to push me off.
Sunday, February 26, 2006
heart attack
Sometimes the best intentions can turn out to become something totally horrid and frightening. We were all having a great time, and I was just marvelling at the success of the event. But somehow, tragedy struck, in the worst kind, and my heart just jumped to my throat and was stuck up there the entire time I was there.
It's hard knowing that something that I mislooked may just lead to such dire consequences. With all my heart, I sincerely hope that he is recovering well and fine and will be back in a manner of days. I hope to be able to see him on Monday when I return, as cheerful and cheeky as always. Shit, I really hope he's fine, seriously. I can never take it down with something as big as that over my head.
The worst part is having to pretend that all's well and lie through my gritted teeth and my pounding heart to all the well-wishers and kind-hearted who only wished to help out and see them happy. Who was to predict that such an unfortunate event would occur? Perhaps we overlooked too many details... we all have a part to play in that incidence; there's no point blaming and arguing over who's fault it is. As long as he recovers and is well, it all doesn't matter anymore.
It's hard knowing that something that I mislooked may just lead to such dire consequences. With all my heart, I sincerely hope that he is recovering well and fine and will be back in a manner of days. I hope to be able to see him on Monday when I return, as cheerful and cheeky as always. Shit, I really hope he's fine, seriously. I can never take it down with something as big as that over my head.
The worst part is having to pretend that all's well and lie through my gritted teeth and my pounding heart to all the well-wishers and kind-hearted who only wished to help out and see them happy. Who was to predict that such an unfortunate event would occur? Perhaps we overlooked too many details... we all have a part to play in that incidence; there's no point blaming and arguing over who's fault it is. As long as he recovers and is well, it all doesn't matter anymore.
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Chong Ghee jersey on sale in Chatuchat!
Weili sent me this pic... taken in Chatuchat in Bangkok! They were selling the jersey there! Haha... Probably some player left his/her jersey there and they're selling it there... Hahaha!!!
leaving and not looking back
She finally steps up, and with one smooth motion, she swipes everything off the table, tears down the cubicles, unplugs the phone, throwing files and paper all around; she's gone totally ballistic, tearing the office apart.
She leaps and kicks her feet together, just to show how elated and estatic she is. She grabs her bag, stands up and waves frantically. "Goodbye! Sayonara! Adios!" She skips her way to the exit and her humongous grin stretches all across her face. Her skips out, without even a single glance back, her brilliant smile still glamourously blinding.
The sun shines brightly down on her, embracing her in its warmth, comforting her, ensuring her that everything is going to be all right.
I've finally done it! I've told my AED tht I'm leaving. He looked so sad and perturbed that day, that I nearly didn't manage to bring it up. But I did. And he was calm, sorta like he was expecting it even. This place doesn't need me; it needs someone better and more experienced, someone who can lead and make drastic changes in the organisation. And that person is not me. So I'm leaving. I'm finally gonna go with my heart over my head. Do something I'd really love, though it may be one that requires more time and involves me getting paid less, I don't care. I just want to be the one who learns to live with less while enjoying more out of life.
Tomorrow's the first match. I need to wake up and ensure that I'll do my best. Even though it may not be good enough, I'll be better off knowing that at the very least, I've done my best. That will be my aim for tomorrow, be it whether I'll be playing for quarters or just for a few minutes.
Seeing so many bball pals on Sunday, it was really nice. It's an environment that I'm confortable with, with so many others whom I've had great fun with. It brings back wonderful memories, and ensures me that the future looks bright and promising.
She leaps and kicks her feet together, just to show how elated and estatic she is. She grabs her bag, stands up and waves frantically. "Goodbye! Sayonara! Adios!" She skips her way to the exit and her humongous grin stretches all across her face. Her skips out, without even a single glance back, her brilliant smile still glamourously blinding.
The sun shines brightly down on her, embracing her in its warmth, comforting her, ensuring her that everything is going to be all right.
I've finally done it! I've told my AED tht I'm leaving. He looked so sad and perturbed that day, that I nearly didn't manage to bring it up. But I did. And he was calm, sorta like he was expecting it even. This place doesn't need me; it needs someone better and more experienced, someone who can lead and make drastic changes in the organisation. And that person is not me. So I'm leaving. I'm finally gonna go with my heart over my head. Do something I'd really love, though it may be one that requires more time and involves me getting paid less, I don't care. I just want to be the one who learns to live with less while enjoying more out of life.
Tomorrow's the first match. I need to wake up and ensure that I'll do my best. Even though it may not be good enough, I'll be better off knowing that at the very least, I've done my best. That will be my aim for tomorrow, be it whether I'll be playing for quarters or just for a few minutes.
Seeing so many bball pals on Sunday, it was really nice. It's an environment that I'm confortable with, with so many others whom I've had great fun with. It brings back wonderful memories, and ensures me that the future looks bright and promising.
Sunday, February 19, 2006
depression
She takes a look around, seeing the four walls around here, enclosing in. She yearns to get up and escape, but she can't. She's tied down by so many troubles, so many worries, so many committments. She can't think in here. She needs a new lease of life; she needs to break out of this monotonous cycle and take the path less taken. Who should dictate what she should do but herself? Should society dictate how one should behave? She thinks not.
Been feeling extremely depressed lately. I think I'm not worthy, I think I don't know what I want, as usual. I know this sort of things need no teaching, yet I wish there's someone around to guide me and lead the way for me.
I feel unworthy - I feel unworthy; I shouldn't be in the team. I can't think of how I ended up being in a team, taking part in the Women's Open once again. My first experience in the competition was horrid, and I do not wish for history to repeat itself. I've tried to improve, I've tried my best to listen and understand, but I can't. And I can't explain it except for my lack of brainpower and ability to be flexible in my thinking, plus my extreme retardedness.
I'm leaving my job. Sure it provides stability, it provides a steady income. However, I just can't conform and be shut inside an extremely cold and constraining office. I want out. I have no plans, no other job waiting in line, but I don't care. I just wanna take a break and take a look at everything once again, figure out where I wanna go, then move on from there.
Been feeling extremely depressed lately. I think I'm not worthy, I think I don't know what I want, as usual. I know this sort of things need no teaching, yet I wish there's someone around to guide me and lead the way for me.
I feel unworthy - I feel unworthy; I shouldn't be in the team. I can't think of how I ended up being in a team, taking part in the Women's Open once again. My first experience in the competition was horrid, and I do not wish for history to repeat itself. I've tried to improve, I've tried my best to listen and understand, but I can't. And I can't explain it except for my lack of brainpower and ability to be flexible in my thinking, plus my extreme retardedness.
I'm leaving my job. Sure it provides stability, it provides a steady income. However, I just can't conform and be shut inside an extremely cold and constraining office. I want out. I have no plans, no other job waiting in line, but I don't care. I just wanna take a break and take a look at everything once again, figure out where I wanna go, then move on from there.
Thursday, February 02, 2006
climbing and bad service
Finally bought my climbing shoes today... so happy... hehe... hurt like heck when I first tried them on and they're a hassle to put on. As I say, half of climbing is the effort put into wearing the shoes, as well as the harness. Bought them for $142.80 though... Been quite a while since I've spent that amount on a pair of shoes. But it's totally worth it cos I managed to scale and complete 2 routes that I normally would deem as too difficult and tough to complete. It's all in the shoes man! Haha...
Oh, had a terrible experience at this Long John Silver's outlet in City Hall. I've always detested going to that outlet and I guess I was so hungry I just didn't care and decided to dine there. SO anways, there's this meal with rice that's $3.90, and that's what I ordered. So when the service staff asked me what drink I wanted, I then asked what drinks I could get. And she gave me a list, including ice lemon tea. Thinking it was part of the meal and at no extra cost, I ordered the ice tea. Then she asked - "A regular one?" And thinking that's what the meal comes with, I said yes, without thinking actually. Then after my order, she said "That'll be $4.70." And I was stunned... "$4.70? I thought the meal was $3.90?" "You changed your drink to ice tea and upsized."
That's just a despicable method of cheating your customer's money. You don't even ask directly whether the customer would like to upsize and trick them into upsizing without even thinking. What's all this GEMS thingie going on when one can't even have an honest meal and know what they are paying for, even at a fast food joint? gee... Singapore's service standards will never improve with dishonest salespeople and service staff like that... a total disgrace and utter humiliation.
Oh, had a terrible experience at this Long John Silver's outlet in City Hall. I've always detested going to that outlet and I guess I was so hungry I just didn't care and decided to dine there. SO anways, there's this meal with rice that's $3.90, and that's what I ordered. So when the service staff asked me what drink I wanted, I then asked what drinks I could get. And she gave me a list, including ice lemon tea. Thinking it was part of the meal and at no extra cost, I ordered the ice tea. Then she asked - "A regular one?" And thinking that's what the meal comes with, I said yes, without thinking actually. Then after my order, she said "That'll be $4.70." And I was stunned... "$4.70? I thought the meal was $3.90?" "You changed your drink to ice tea and upsized."
That's just a despicable method of cheating your customer's money. You don't even ask directly whether the customer would like to upsize and trick them into upsizing without even thinking. What's all this GEMS thingie going on when one can't even have an honest meal and know what they are paying for, even at a fast food joint? gee... Singapore's service standards will never improve with dishonest salespeople and service staff like that... a total disgrace and utter humiliation.
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
first move
First, learning how to swim and do cartwheels... now, I've actually applied for the programme. Really crossing my fingers now, hoping for the best. Thanks for all your help and encouragement peeps.
CNY was tiring, but really fun as well. Love the festive mood during CNY. Caught I Not Stupid Too on Sunday and it's great. A well-worked out and tried and tested formula as always, but it works - touches the funny bone as well as the deeper emotions.
Really love my new clothes - I can't wait to wear them again! haha... I sound so bimbotic... ok, enuff now. Half day tmr and it's climbing time!!!!
CNY was tiring, but really fun as well. Love the festive mood during CNY. Caught I Not Stupid Too on Sunday and it's great. A well-worked out and tried and tested formula as always, but it works - touches the funny bone as well as the deeper emotions.
Really love my new clothes - I can't wait to wear them again! haha... I sound so bimbotic... ok, enuff now. Half day tmr and it's climbing time!!!!