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Photobucket
Photobucket
"stepping out on my own"
Sunday, February 19, 2006
depression

She takes a look around, seeing the four walls around here, enclosing in. She yearns to get up and escape, but she can't. She's tied down by so many troubles, so many worries, so many committments. She can't think in here. She needs a new lease of life; she needs to break out of this monotonous cycle and take the path less taken. Who should dictate what she should do but herself? Should society dictate how one should behave? She thinks not.

Been feeling extremely depressed lately. I think I'm not worthy, I think I don't know what I want, as usual. I know this sort of things need no teaching, yet I wish there's someone around to guide me and lead the way for me.

I feel unworthy - I feel unworthy; I shouldn't be in the team. I can't think of how I ended up being in a team, taking part in the Women's Open once again. My first experience in the competition was horrid, and I do not wish for history to repeat itself. I've tried to improve, I've tried my best to listen and understand, but I can't. And I can't explain it except for my lack of brainpower and ability to be flexible in my thinking, plus my extreme retardedness.

I'm leaving my job. Sure it provides stability, it provides a steady income. However, I just can't conform and be shut inside an extremely cold and constraining office. I want out. I have no plans, no other job waiting in line, but I don't care. I just wanna take a break and take a look at everything once again, figure out where I wanna go, then move on from there.