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"stepping out on my own"




Saturday, February 26, 2005
dbl o

Went clubbing yesterday with Pauline, Janet (it was for her b-day), Charles, Dan, Xie Jun and some of Janet's and Pauline's friends... we went to Dbl O... nice place... cheap liquor all night and it's much better than the now dufunct Centro... haha...

We played a few rounds of 007, then played 5-10... i kept losing man... so bad... i had to drink lotsa shots cos of that... esp when i played with Pauline... she's the pro at 5-10 man.. so fast... i cldn't even gather my thoughts when she's already made her guess... i think i downed half a jug of brandy 7-up while playing with her... we also had bourbon coke, which i don't like that much... we all had tequila shots as well (haven't had any for a very long time... love the kick man!)... Charles had to down 3 shots cos he finished his shot last and was punished to drink 2 more... haha...

Pauline also got me a Martini Lychee and a peach Barcadi freeze... then had a sip of Pauline's beer... and Dan bought us a Vodka Ribena... and also a flaming Lambogini... it was damn nice man... the waitress came over to our table and then would light up the drink, which is a mix of several liquor... then we would drink the sprit while it's flaming and the waitress would pour in milk as we drank... it was great man! and i was already high after downing a couple of brandy 7-up... and after all the drinks, my second high kicked in... i couldn't really walk straight and i really felt so happy... like i couldn't stop smiling... and Charles and i were talking crap... haha... which was really quite fun... but when i was drunk, i felt like i could do anything and not care at all... but i didn't like the splitting headache and spinning in my mind... haha...

I had a great time... Dan, Charles and i left together... Pauline was drunk when we were about to leave... poor thing... she couldn't even walk properly by herself... but i think she'll just bounce back on her feet after a while... haha...

I'm definitely going back to Dbl O again... great place for cheap drinks... yeah, i like... haha...

Wednesday, February 23, 2005
hazey days

Geez, the haze is really causing a lot of sickies ya? and not to mention the heatwave... argh... so freaking hot... but thankfully, i'm now lying in my air-conditioned room... hehe... who did invent the air-con? got to love that person man... haha...

Somehow, the smell of the haze... reminiscent... but bad, really bad for us... haha...

Anyways, been loaded with tonnes of work... but i kinda got some of them out of the way... my aim now is to just hantam and get them all out of the way... oooh, guy on AI singing Kiss From A Rose... great song... hehe... hahaha... Constantine? oh geez... that's his name? he looks more like Kumar in Harold & Kumar though... haha... :X

Got a call from my employer during my ITP... he asked if i wanted to help him do a part-time job... kinda like creating a e-newsletter... still kinda wondering if i shld go for it... doesn't pay very well and i dun really have a good knowledge on the topic... so... i dunno...

Oh, gonna watch Closer tmr... yay... a sexy flick with good looking people... just what i need to relax and chill to... :P

Sunday, February 20, 2005
thank you

Thank you to my dear, for being there when i needed you the most... i dunno how i would have gotten over that rotten situation without you... i think i would have broken down even more if u weren't there... who knows what stupid thing i would have done... i prob wouldn't have recovered so fast... thank you honey... i love you so much... i need you more than ever and you proved to me that you'd be there for me no matter what happens... thanks dear...

Friday, February 18, 2005
i hate myself

Yesterday was NP's last match... and it's yet another losing season... we've lost in all our games... we all lost... but i lost the most yesterday... i lost my dignity, my reputation, my respect for myself... i hate myself for what i did... and i am truly very sorry for it...

I don't want to go into details here, but i just know that i did something terrible... something terribly unsportsmanly... and my one rash action caused a tirade of reactions... i don't think before i act and i am very sorry for that... i am sorry to those whom i've disappointed, angered and hurt... i'm really sorry for my actions... if there's one thing i can take back, i'd definitely take that back... of all the things i regret doing in my life, this definitely is on top of the list... i haven't felt this guilty in such a long time... but i guess i deserve it...

Thanks to those who've consoled me even though i've humiliated them and disappointed them... especially Dan... i feel like i've let down so many people with that one action...

Thursday, February 17, 2005
bball havock...

Just when we thought we've got our groove on, we lose it once again...

I'm talking about today's, or rather, yesterday's (cos it's after 12mn) IVP bball match... we were playing against NUS... and we were playing rather well at the start in fact... we only lost by about 5 points at the end of the first quarter... but then after the first half, our team kinda lacked the spirit and energy to persue and persist... so it was kinda sad...

I only played a total of about 5 min... Orh Ba and Dan came down to watch... so embarrassing... i sucked at the match... didn't even manage to score... i committed a bad mistake, which was to tap the ball into the opponents hands when i should have taken it down... my bad... but it didn't qualify for me to have been benched for so long... but whatever, as i said in my previous entry, i'm done with this and i'm resigned to whatever she deals me...

I was put in the last 4 min where the team started playing man to man defence... coach said the defence would be crutial and i was to play a big part in that... but the thing is, i think she's only saying that to make me feel better for being benched for so long... in fact, i'm the only year 3 player who's been benched for such a long time... well, f it... it'sthe last match tmr anyways and i doubt i'll be getting much playing time tmr too... she really does make me feel like crap and lose whatever sliver of confidence i have in me... f it...

Anyways, i figured the putting me in to help out the defence was a lie cos i remember her pulling me out of the match in the past whenever we played man to man defence... so it's a little hard to believe that she'd wanna put me in to help with the defence when she's been hinting that i'm bad at defence...

I was kinda peeved by then cos i've been benched for so long... and within the first few sec of my entrance onto the court, this opponent grabs my hand while posting up and i was quite mad... so i pushed her arm away and all... i hate it when pple do that during matches... it's so freaking irritating... anyways, there was this other moment when this opponent came up to me when i just received the bball and smacked my hand... i shouted foul but apparently the referees were not interested in my plea... so i was fuming mad by then... i elbowed her on my way back to defence... and on the defensive side, she was stuck in the corner with the ball by me and she kinda lost balance and stepped over the line, with a little push from me actually... another interesting moment where i lost my temper was when i was attacking once again and this girl pushes me from behind... i was about to receive the ball from April and this girl pushes me, so i lost my balance and she actually poked me in the eye too, causing my contacts to fall out... i just opened my arms and accidentally hit her in the eye... seriously, i didn't mean to do anything then... i didn't even know i had done anything... i only knew of it when Dan and Orh Ba told me... they say i actually punched her in the face and she fell... but i wasn't aware of that cos i was off to the referee to tell him that i needed to fix my lenses... well, not that it mattered if i did know about it anyways...

Well, so it was a high-tempered played by me today... i was just going all out by the end cos there was nothing to lose anyways... so i just did whatever i had to or felt like i had to... and the result was this... we lost by abt 20 points, i think... it wasn't too bad as compared to Mon's match...

I was actually mocked by my lecturer, Craig... i was telling him how i had to leave class at about 3.45pm for my bball match and he actually retorted back if i am actually tall enough to play bball... wah... i was so surprised... haha... but it was funny... even though the joke was on me...

Was supposed to go over to coach's house tonight after the match, but i ended up going to Bukit Ho Swee to play bball instead... it was tiring and i had no idea what i was playing... anyways, tmr's match is NP's last match... i'm not holding on to high hopes on appearing on court much tmr...

Tuesday, February 15, 2005
v day update

It was Valentine's Day yesterday... also the first day of IVP for us...

IVP sucked... cos we played really badly... we were playing against NTU and we were trashed... we only managed to score 8 points in the entire game... totally sucked... well, i wasn't so peeved about the loss as i was about being benched most of the time, as i have been since year one... seriously, i have no idea what coach is thinking... even Jo agrees with me here... she destroys our confidence by pulling us out of the game when we've barely played... well, it shldn't have been a surprise since i've been going through the same thing for three years... forget it... moving on to a better and much more happy event...

Dan actually bought me roses... from school... haha... well, it is the thought that counts... really appreciate it dear... it's the first time he's ever bought me flowers... and according to him, the first time he's bought anyone flowers too... so sweet rite? i didn't really expect him to get me flowers but it was a pleasant surprise... even though i had an idea that he was going to do so... i was on my way to meet him outside the library and in the Atrium, there were these people selling roses... so i thought that he might have actually gotten me flowers... well, he did, but it wasn't from the Atrium... besides the fact that i had to carry the flowers around, i loved them a lot...

After my match, Dan and i went to Holland V, looking for some place to dine at... but apparently, most of the restaurants there were full by the time we got there... so we took a cab down to Suntec... dined at the sky garden area... at this place called the Swiss Culture... we had a 4 course dinner... cost Dan about $80+... geez... that was an expensive one... well, it doesn't happen any other day anyways... but the dinner was really nice... loved the food... the appetizer was all right, and the soup was great... it was a mushroom soup compiled of various types of mushrooms... really thick and strong... the main course was good too... Dan's chicken was better than my steak... it was more unique and the sauce did it for the dish... and the chocolate fondue was a great wrap up to the dinner... even though i suffered from a sugar high after that...

We left the diner and went to He Pan... dunno what it's called in English... haha... met up with Roy, Irene and Wing there... it was quite nice... reminded me of the mooncake festival at Chinese Garden... haha... walked around a little and left for home at about 11.30pm... was so tired by the end of the day... Dan came over to stay even though it was further to sch from my house than his... so sweet of him... i didn't wanna go home alone too...

Thanks dear... i've had a wonderful time with you... i've never felt more in love with anyone than with you... i love you and i cannot imagine my life without you... i think i'd really be, like you say, lonely and leading a boring and unexciting life... you bring colour into my life... you really do light up my life... this has been our second valentine's day together and let's make it the beginning of many more to come... thanks for putting up with me, buying things for me, treating me to that lovely dinner, treating me on normal days too, cooking for me, washing up for me, giving in to me, hugging me, kissing me, being around when i need you, coming over to accompany me, caring for me, loving me... in short, thank you for everything... you make it feel as if everyday is Valentine's Day... I love you...



Dan and me about to start on our 4 course dinner... Posted by Hello



Dan with the flowers that he bought for me... Posted by Hello



me with the flowers that Dan bought for me...  Posted by Hello



Dan about to start on his appetizer... Posted by Hello



Dan looking bo bo after soup... haha... Posted by Hello



our final course for the dinner, fondue...  Posted by Hello



Dan's yummy chicken... delish with the creamy cheese sauce... Posted by Hello



my beef steak... cooked in red wine sauce...  Posted by Hello



the salt and pepper shakers... haha... and the candle... :P Posted by Hello



mushroom soup... yummy...  Posted by Hello



our drinks... peach fizz... Posted by Hello



appetizer... scallop... Posted by Hello

Sunday, February 13, 2005
i hate lizards

I hate lizards... they're disgusting, slimy looking and eeks... i was in the kitchen just now and when i turned on the lights, this disgusting lizard near the sink turned and looked me in the eye (i swear, it did!) then it turned and ran off quickly... it's so yucky! eeeeks... i hate lizards!!!

Anyways, i tried making porridge for the first time today... burnt it though... haha... put it on for too long... spent the day at home watching Gilmore Girls... it's back to sch tmr... back to stress and work... argh... i really do wish i didn't have to do that... haiz...

argh!

This is the second time i'm actually posting this... well, the stupid thing didn't load the first time so i'm typing all these all over again... so argh!

Anyways, here's a roundup of what i did these past few days...

CNY Eve was spent at Chinatown with Dan, Zhao Yan, AJ, WeiXian and Wing... managed to watch the firecrackers and the fire works... first time witnessing the actually 'cracking' of firecrackers and i must say tht they are LOUD... but it was really nice watching... interesting and quite festive... then came the fireworks... it was so beautiful... like colourful glitter being sprinkled across the sky... so bright and pretty... and the different patterns they explode into... so unexpectable yet wonderful... always wondered how they work... After that came the WAR ZONE... we went walking and squeezing through the hoards of people in the streets and it was horrible! some streets were so crowded we couldn't even move... but it was really interesting... getting into the crowd and all... but i dun think i'll do that ever again... haha... one time's enough for me... it was my first CNY eve spent there... haha... and prob my last...

CNY day one was spent visiting... woke up to the sounds of lion dance... went to Tampines, then Tiong Bahru before finally proceeding to Dan's place... it was a nice day... full of ang baos... haha... went down to Laura's place after that... quite nice... watched them gamble a little and chit chatted for a while... Toby's really a huge dog... didn't even dare to pet him... haha...

CNY day two was spent at home... relatives came over to visit and i left for work in the evening, which was good too cos they were turning my room into a mahjong arena anyways... haha... Dan came over to my workplace and even entered to have soup cos he came before i knocked off... joined him at the table after working and he actually got the soup for free cos the manager waived it off... so nice of him... thanks Uncle! Dan came over to my place and then he taught me how to play mahjong... still quite messy and unclear but at least i have a general idea now... we also played a couple of rounds of pair and 'In Between'... overall, i lost to him... darn...

CNY day three was spent visiting AhTai... Orh Ba and Eh Kao came over too... they had drinks, talked, snacked, gambled... i was supposed to go for training but they didn't want me to go so Dan called Lisien and told her my 'Dad' didn't allow me to go... and actually got Ah Tai to talk to her posing as my dad... well, not really false too cos he is my stepdad... haha... anyways, i didn't go and we had dinner at KFC... that's when they said that i'd be fat when i'm 30... argh...

CNY day four was spent shopping with Dan, Charles and Aiway... went town and shopped... Dan bought a wallet for himself (it's about time!)... then we went to far east to shop around... saw Zhao Yan at a shop opp Far East... bought some snacks from her and teased her too, asusual... haha... Aiway and i got a cap each... i got a black Nike one... it fit my head well so i tot i had to get it... haha... shopped around a little more before heading to Constant Craving for lunch... i had the Fish 'n' Chips; Dan had the Lemon Dory as usual; Aiway had the same as Dan and Charles had the Shitake Mushroom Spag... we also had desserts... i had the tiramisu (very nice but too much whipped cream!); Charles had the cheesecake (very very very nice! yummy!); Dan had the very sweet caramel pudding... we then left for more shopping after that... Dan bought me a Nightmare Before Christmas tissue box cover which cost $18... so ex rite? so not worth it... told him not to buy it yet he wanted to... haiz... but i do like it now... he already bought it anyways... i still appreciate it... :) we then went on to Kiehl's... Aiway bought a lip balm and a hair masque at a total of $60... i bought the lip balm too... actually Dan bought it for me... thanks hon! love it! can't wait to try it... yippies! Aiway had to leave soon after, presumably to try the masque... haha... totally understand... hehe... so Charles, Dan and I headed to Newton Circus for dinner... had tulang (tried the marrow for the first and last time today... no thanks man... but the gravy and mutton was nice), zut zut (tried it for the first time today too... tried a few... it's actually quite tasteless but the gravy's nice... i got sick and tired of it and quite freaked out when i actually saw what the thing looked like after scrutinising one after sucking it out of the shell... eeek... prob the first and last time i'm eating it too... haha)... then went on to have chicken wings which were quite nice... but still not better than the ones in Jurong... haha... we all then took the train home... i went over to Ling Na's place... had some chit chat, watched a little of Keeping the Faith... then played with her cats... she's got a new one - Mocha... looks a little like a Siamese... hugged it but it ran off a couple of times... haha... it's got bluish-green eyes... so pretty... it was nice talking to them again... i had to leave at abt 12.30am cos i was getting a ride from Bao Ling's dad... she's actually in MCM too and she's in CTV... sad to say i've never really talked to her before today... thanks for the ride though... :)

I had a great time today... did a lot of things, met up with a lot of nice people... really enjoyed myself... it's back to sch on Mon though... and it's IVP... the first match... ahhhh... wish me luck ya? will need loads of it... and guess what? it's V-day on Mon too... another day of celebrating... haha... geez... prob going to Holland V with Dan after the match for dinner... thanks dear... well, here's wishing everyone a great and magical V-day... :)

Saturday, February 12, 2005
30 years later?

well, i may be much fatter 30 years later... like really HUGE fat... that's what they all said today at KFC... argh... thanks for bringing that up out of the blue Ah Tai... geez... fine, i'll prove u guys wrong... hmph... u guys sure know how to make a girl feel really sad and depressed about her future ya? geez...

Sunday, February 06, 2005
working on lunar new year's day 2

I am too easily persuaded into things... i was actually persuaded into working on Lunar New Year's Day 2... of all days, the day when family members come to my house for a scrumptious home cooked dinner by my mom... i so wanna eat the delish stuff! it only happens once a year and i'm gonna miss all the good food this year! but i did ask Mom to keep some for me... hopefully i won't be left with only scraps of food... *sighs*...

And what do i get? a $10 ang bao... no double pay... Dan, Mom and my bro have all said how stupid i am to work on that day even though the pay is still the same as any day... oh wells... what can i say? i'm just a big softy, eh?

Went to watch Seoul Raiders with Dan today... the premiere at Shaw Towers, Prince 1... really big theater... the show's quite funny and Tony Leung was so charming, but in a very obnoxious and unbearably proud manner... haha... but he is cute in the show... all the characters seemed too cute in fact... seemed like a spoof of a typical HK flick... and quite predictable too... well, u got to watch it for urself...

It's back to sch tmr... *sighs*... at least it is gonna be a very short week... have IS tmr then Act Dir on Tue... that's all... haha... good for me... i like...

Kinda broke now cos just bought Ba Gua today from my friend... bought 2 boxes.. Dan bought 2 too... he bought for my parents, i bought for his and we bought one for Ah Tai and another for Orh Ba... at $30 per box, i wldn't call it cheap stuff... geez... got to pay for the sch jersey tmr too... haiz... another $30 gone... after food for today... i'm left with nothing much... wanted to go Tea Party with Li Sien tmr but can't cos i got no $$... haiz... i guess i'll just have to come home for lunch tmr... then return to sch for training... *sighs*...

It's a day for sighs no? haha...

tired but still missing...

Work was hectic today... everyone seemed to decide to have their dinners really late at abt 9 plus... tht's the time where we actually see people out, not welcome people in... only managed to get off work at 11pm... and was really starving by the end of the day... geez... hope it won't be like this tmr...

Really wanted to go over to Dan's tonight... but my mind and body's too tired to do so... yawns... work has really sucked out all the energy in me... sorry dear... really miss u lots but also really too tired to do anything other than slacking at home...

I think i've been watching too much Gilmore Girls... my bro has a collection of the show and i've been watching them recently... too much isn't good cos their incessant machine gun dialogues really can stick in your head and you start hearing conversations in your head as such, and they seldom ever stop to take a deep breath when they talk, which really is amazing, and quite fascinating, so do you get what i mean now cos this is really just a a demonstration of how they talk on the show...

Just saw this couple account on Friendster... really quite a cute and romantic idea... haha... original, i guess... i think a couple blog would be even better no? haha... maybe i shld try to get dan to join me in a coupls blog... haha...

Saturday, February 05, 2005
blabber

Yay! Spring Cleaning in my room for 2005 is complete... haha... finally managed to get down and dirty and clean my room... can't imagine how a room as small as mine can accumulate this must dust... horrible! maybe that's why i fall sick quite often... hmmm...

Had training just now in sch... really blur today... couldn't concentrate at all... i guess i was distracted for some reason... it was a really groggy day for me... couldn't think straight... emotionless for the majority of the training session... couldn't even gather energy to smile or laugh or joke... well, not surprising since i do get such anti-social sentiments once in a while... yawns...

Had dinner with some of the gals at Killiney coffee shop opp Beauty World... food there's quite nice... a bit ex though... but i had the seafood soup with rice and the soup was so sweet... quite tasteless at the start but it tasted better with each spoonful... haha...

Went to Kusu yesterday for Doc Pro... actually missed the 10am ferry there... mainly cos i was late, i think... so sorry guys! we ended up staying in Sentosa, talking for a while... then we decided to take the monorail (one entire round), which was quite a bad idea cos it left us pretty much lethargic... then we watched this bird show... then had lunch at BK before we finally boarded the ferry at 1.30pm... took a 40 min ride to Kusu and finally we reached the temple... the caretaker's really nice and she even showed us about in her living quarters... i must say that Han was quite good with the old lady... a little too probing at times though... he practically questioned her on everything he possibly could think of... geez... Jasmine and i just kinda kept quiet mostly... her life on the island's quite interesting too... she even has a snake on the premise... a big python... supposedly Dua Bei Gong's snake... quite interesting actually... hope we can really get a great story there...

Anyways, i got premiere tickets to Seoul Raiders, thanks to Dad... hehe... going with Dan... reviews in 8 Days on the movie doesn't seem to be really great, but at least Tony Leung's a looker... haha...

Wednesday, February 02, 2005
fishing and dinner

Went fishing with dear at Clifford Pier yesterday... got there at around 9 plus and fished till about 4am... Kenny came to fetch us... actually more like to pass the car to dear to drive all of us home cos they came after clubbing so a little high on the booze...

Anyways, not long after we set up, i saw one of the rods move violently and the whole rod nearly fell over the ledge and into the water! i called Dan immediately and he took the rod, pulling up one big red snapper, i think... it was so cool! the fish was quite a big one... and i was so proud cos i spoted it first... haha... Dan tied it to a string and let it swim in the water...

I was feeling tired at abt 1.30am so i went to sleep on the hammock... got awakened by a very loud boat... and to my surprise, i couldn't see Dan when i woke up... he was at the jetty platform at the other end... made my way there and he told me that he caught another fish... a grouper, i think... not sure abt fish species... it was smaller than the snapper though... hehe...

Was about to leave when Dan realised that the snapper actually managed to free itself when the string binding it broke... he was so sad... well, i was a little too... no big fish for breakfast... sobz... haha... but it was still ok... at least we did manage to catch such a biggie...

Went to play bball at Yu Hua just now... Jac, Dan and I then went to the hawker centre for dinner... we shared a couple of dishes, courtesy of dear... we had the clam with egg (hao jian), chicken wings (great - best ones i've ever had!) and satay, which were delish too, though the chilli wasn't all that powerful... we then left for Jurong East to shop around the night market... dragged Jac along too... haha... had mango salad, those Thai type... and it was really hot and sour! shiok man... also had ice-cream from 7-11... hehe... really ate a lot tonight... *burp*... :X opps....

thanks dear for the dinner... really nice of you to treat me all the time... but feel bad also though... anyways, you really should start saving up too... don't just spend all that you have k? love you...