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"stepping out on my own"
Monday, July 21, 2008

It's been a while since I've turned on my laptop with the intention to blog. Not that anything particularly significant has happened.

It's been a while since I've had such an enjoyable shower - a hot steaming shower in a cold and wet day. I love the simple comforts of home when the conditions out are not favourable. It reminds me of the simple joy awaiting when I return. That's when I truly feel at home. It's been close to a year, yet I don't feel all that homey, that is, till the shower today.

I love feeling the warm water soothing all my aches and pains. Something that reminds me of how my life is passing me by, day by day, whilst I simply watch it go by. You know what they say when you feel loneliest especially when you are with a big bunch of people? I feel that, most of the time. I feel like I'm an observer, watching people and things happening around me, and even though I'm there, I don't feel like I'm actually present. My mind wanders and what people say tend to filter out and what I'm left with are my negative thoughts. Perhaps that's why I prefer to seek solace in solitude. That's when I don't feel all that lonesome, ironically.

Watching the C girls play today reminded me of how cruel life is. From such a young age, we are taught that only the best get praised and get the fame and attention. The main players get to sweat and bleed in the competitions, whilst the substitutes expend most of their calories screaming and cheering from the benches. Are we born to be weaker than others? Can we break out of this vicious cycle and carve out a life of our own? Sometimes it's not to do with what we want to think or how we condition our minds to think positively, but that we are cooerced into thinking negatively due to the situation that we're in.