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Photobucket
Photobucket
"stepping out on my own"
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
The dark clouds and thunderstorms are back

Inability to enjoy life, the people around me and what I have is marring my life currently. I worry too much, emo too much, think stupid useless and meaningless things too much. I should really just do it, as Nike says. Good for the fact that I'm procrastinating about doing work again right now. And all I can concentrate on are things that aren't significant. Why do I brood on the smallest things when the big picture ain't that bad after all? I don't know, but jealousy is a pain in the arse, especially when I have no right to be and I should not expect too much from people whom I'm not all that close to. After all, they are in constant contact and have more activities in common, so they are closer to one another. Why should I expect the same treatment when I'm not of the same status? Why should I feel sad about how I perceive them to perceive me? As Dan says, I distance myself; it's my own fault in the first place. That's why others don't talk about me. I'm the odd piece of the puzzle, the one that doesn't fit. Why I torture myself by doing so? Maybe it's my personality. And this is what makes me miss the past even more, when such insignificant issues don't bug me, don't hinder my ability to live and have fun. I've changed, but not for the better. I wish I could go back to whom I was; stop the heart-wrentches and tears welling in my eyes.