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"stepping out on my own"
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
what i wanna do?

I've been pondering recently... actually been thinking of what I wanna do with my life.

I've barely talked to anyone about this, mostly cos I can't think of anyone who wld be willing to talk to me... any volunteers who wanna hear me whine? hah - see what I mean?

Been thinking of what I truly want to do with my life. Even considered taking theatre acting lessons at Fly Entertainment but when I saw the fees, it kinda turned me off. Remembered those days in secondary school, preparing for the musical and the play. It was lotsa long hours in school at rehersals, but it was so much fun! Another alternative I've been considering is volunteering at The Singapore Repertory Theatre. But thinking about it, Ive been so busy at work and all, I barely have time to even exercise, much less volunteer my time at the theatre.

Wondering whether work's bringing me down. If someone were to ask me what I wish for right at this moment, it would be to not have to work, yet have enough to live a luxurious life, letting me do all the things I wanna do - theatre, travel, start a family, cook, exercise, fine dining, take up photography, take up singing, take up writing, attend local theatre works and so much more. But I know all that is just wishful thinking. You only reap what you sow - that's reality.

Work's really been sucking the life out of me - staring at the computer for 8 straight hours is no joke, esp when I really have to stare hard and concentrate on what I'm doing. And there's just so much piling up that I can't even cope sometimes. Everything's pushed back and pending - the good thing is that my ED and President understand this and don't bug me all the time for all the things they've asked me to do. Haiz... when can I find a job that I truly like? But then again, I think my dream job doesn't even exist.

I'm just so messed up. I should really stop dreaming and start thinking - stop letting my dreams cloud my thoughts and come up with something to better my real world.