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Photobucket
Photobucket
"stepping out on my own"
Saturday, November 20, 2004
lonely

The heavy downpour pelts down on me once again... it's been a long time since i've felt like this and i feel myself being engulfed by the flood once again... but it's only a matter of time before the rain ceases and i'm back on my two feet once again...

Have you ever been surrounded by people, some of which u know, and yet have never felt more lonesome? That's how i feel most of the time... i miss those times when i had someone or some people to confide in, someone to hang out with and spill my heart out to... someone who willingly turns to me for advice and to spill her heart out to... someone who's my best friend... i'm not saying that Dan's not enough, but even while in a relationship, there are times when u need to have someone to bitch with and talk to, someone other than your spouse... what's happened to me? i dunno... even i can't answer that... i just think that i've failed in being a friend and trying to obtain friends... that's all i can say... maybe it's cos i tend not to get close to others easily, and thus, they too find it hard to get close to me...

it's not because i don't want to, it's because i'm overcautious and i set up far too tall a fence to overcome... i'm shy in nature and my behaviour tends to not allow me to get close to people easily... i'm not the one who can easily fit into a group and move on... no... i'm the social outcast...

All my friends throughout the years in my life have moved on and i seldom keep in contact with them... i've drifted apart from them... people whom i used to confide in have now become my 'hi-bye' friends... people whom used to know all my secrets have now become so distant, i barely talk to them... and when i do, i dunno what to say to them anymore... it's like they've become strangers...

All i can say is that it's no one's fault but my own... i've shut myself in this box... i've locked it and only i have the key... it all depends on me... no one can help me out...