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Photobucket
Photobucket
"stepping out on my own"
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
nothing can heal the hole in my heart... i miss you...

I've finally got to ask my mom what she did with my old pillow... just as i suspected, she threw it away... and she seemed to nonchalant about it... it hurts me so that she can just throw away something so dear to me without even informing me about it... she says it's cos it's unhealthy, disgusting and dirty... but no matter what, it's my pillow and she can't just throw my items away without asking me... what happened to privacy and personal belongings, esp something as personal as my pillow... i thought i had gotten over it but i apparently haven't... i thought of locking my door from now on, everytime i leave the house or my room unattended... i'm tempted to do just that...

she asked me about this comment i made, about buying me the ikea duck and goose feathered pillow... but i dun really think this will be able to replace me old pillow and make me as contented... my bro seems glad that it's gone, but i think they all have no idea how devastated i am over this... there's just this hole i feel... something's incomplete... she may feel guilty for doing what she did, but it can't compare to how sad i feel about this... and i dun feel guilty for making her feel guilty abt this... not after what she did... i just find myself defying her even more now... i dun wanna do anything she says... i just want my pillow back... which is impossible... it's gone forever and it'll never be back... i'll just have to accept it... something which will be quite impossible to achieve... i dun care if it's for my own good or anything... i live my life the way i want and i'm old enough to know what to do... i dun need anyone to baby me anymore... u can't determine what i want or need and what's good for me or not... i'll decide all these for myself thank u very much... there's nothing to look forward to at home anymore... i just want it back...