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Photobucket
Photobucket
"stepping out on my own"
Sunday, September 12, 2004
12 sept

finally, the stay at brendan's place has ended... we have finally put everything togeter and passed itto mr yee for a final edit... i hope... that was horrid... all the work we did, all the late nights we had to put up with... is it all worth it? i don't think it so, and that's why i'm leaving... i just hope they are able to find a replacement in order to cope with the workload next sem... i'm gonna miss them and all after i leave, but i need my time to myself... more for myself anyways... i think i need to find myself once again... somehow i've lost myself, in the midst of work and all that... the only time i can do that now is in my bed, right before i sleep... and being the complex person that i am, i believe that that's not enough... hah...

mr yee just sent me an email to remind me that he has not forgotten about my request to leave... thank goodness... all along i thought that he'd forgotten... i suggested to him that we meet after the paper goes offstone... i hope it turns out well and i'm able to leave with ease...

after 2 days of being couped up with Tribune work, i finally got a day off... fell asleep at about 5 am on the second night of work, and woke up at about 12... surprised that i wasn't woken up earlier than that... woke up just in time to go home...

went back on a bus... (oh man, i can barely remember a ride on a bus...) and had to shower and pack up to leave the house once again... went to queensway to meet danny... he bought a new pair of shoes and a godzilla cd pack... hope he enjoyed both of them...

we wanted to get a munch so we proceeded to anchorpoint... and guess who we saw there? his ex-gf... hmmm... that was quite awkward... for a while i was wondering why that name sounded so familiar... then i remembered that he had a friend whose gf's name was shu mei... but when i looked at her, i realised it wasn't that shu mei... i wrecked my brain trying to think of which other shu mei that i know of... and i realised that she was his ex... hmmm... it was weird... i wanted to run off... but dan greeted her and all that... awkwardness once again... looking at her, i was wondering - they were once an item? hmmm... she's just... so different from me... but she's pretty, that's for one... it was kind of a wake up call for me... i began wondering - am i right for him? is our age gap too huge? i dunno... cos i'm the youngest gf he's ever had... i mean in age diff... hmmmm... tht set me wondering...

we left the foodcourt and adjourned to KFC for lunch... then he told me how he had contacted her 2 days after he birthday and all... and how he actually was chatting on MSN with another random girl... hmmm... i dunno... it all just feels so weird... why didn't he tell me on that day itself, but on the day we met her? i dunno...

i was feeling very weird already and was kinda avoiding him when we were shopping at Ikea... felt like crying actually... not really sure why... not that i was jealous... but just the idea... but anyways, looking at him and touching him made me feel sad, for some reason...

we left for yio chu kang after stopping by his house... he had a match that day against feng shan cc... the inter-constituency match... feng shan was full of inexperienced players so the game was quite easy to get by... i think they won by 40 points? somewhere near there i guess... went home via mrt and the original plan was that dan came over to my house to stay but he was going for a fishing trip the next day so he couldnt...i guess it's good that way... i needed time to think anyways...

came home and finally could have a slow hot shower and a meal at home... crashed on my bed not soon after... before that, talked to dan on the phone... he sounded weird... i dunno... he told me that he had to call shu mei after hanging up with me cos she called him and told him to call her back... i dunno what's going on and i don't really mind him calling her or whatever, but i just felt really sad... first night back to my bed and i was sobbing on it... the day has just not turned out to be what i expected... after all the work and all i had, i was looking for a break... but what did i get? just a day full of emotional ups and downs... i need to rest now... and get cracking on my other projects... damn sch... damn me... damn everything...